Burnt Bacon: Rebecca Black

This edition of Burnt Bacon is a bit different from how the others will be.  Burnt Bacon is suppose to be about women who could be awesome, but screw up instead.  Also Burnt Bacon is suppose to involve some level of pleasure for me.  Neither of those are true in this case.

Let me warn you that this will be the most painful thing you have seen in years. For some of you this may well be the most painful thing you’ve ever seen in your life.

Ready?

Rebecca Black is Burnt Bacon.

You really aren’t ready.  Make sure you have a trash can to puke in close by.

I’m serious.  Go get a trash can to puke in.

Okay.  Steady yourself and watch this video.

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Finished dry heaving yet?  As of today this has 87,827,230 views on YouTube.  You can buy this song in iTunes.

Remember when I trashed Avril Lavigne for writing songs like she’s still 15 years old?  This puts that into perspective.  Avirl is Joan Baez compared to Rebecca Black.

Let’s break these lyrics down.

(Yeah, Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ark)
Oo-ooh-ooh, hoo yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

7am, waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein’ everything, the time is goin’
Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)

Gotta be fresh?  What?  When I say that a woman is “fresh” that means she is young, hot and I want to fuck her.  In no way at all is Rebecca fresh. Okay, she’s young.  I give her that one.  Hot and fuckable?  There ain’t that much booze in the world.  She’s gotta have cereal?  She’s singing about cereal?  Then she’s gotta get to the bus stop.  She sees her friends?  Is this a song or a Twitter feed?

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

Am I the only one who thinks this is a sex reference?  “Which seat can I take?”  Yea…  You can take either seat as long as it’s not near me.

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

Rebecca is 13 years old.  It’s Friday night and she’s going partying?  What the fuck is wrong with her parents.  Should 13 year old girls be going to to parties looking for cock? I’m not some fucking prude who doesn’t want girls to have sex.  I want all girls to have sex.  Preferably with me.  But really?  A fucking 13 year old singing about going out on Friday to cruise for dick?  Fuck me running Rachael.

7:45, we’re drivin’ on the highway
Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right
I got this, you got this
Now you know it

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

Hmmmm.  Should I get fucked in the cunt or the ass?  Front seat or back seat.  I can’t decide.  “I got this, you got this. Now you know it.”  What the fuck is she talking about?  Even my perverted mind can’t make sense of this.  Is she talking about a venereal disease? Oh and they are cruising so fast.  Really?  First, why isn’t your hair moving in the wind.  Second, why are 13 year old girls hanging out with guys old enough to drive?

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday

Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

But wait, here comes the most awesome part of the whole song.  Thanks to six years of public education Rebecca has learned . . . the days of the week.

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’)
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball today

“We so excited.”  We so excited?  Are you fucking me?  What language is this?

Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after…wards
I don’t want this weekend to end

So chillin’ in the front seat (In the front seat)
In the back seat (In the back seat)
I’m drivin’, cruisin’ (Yeah, yeah)
Fast lanes, switchin’ lanes
Wit’ a car up on my side (Woo!)
(C’mon) Passin’ by is a school bus in front of me
Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream
Check my time, it’s Friday, it’s a weekend
We gonna have fun, c’mon, c’mon, y’all

Oh look.  A car.  A school bus.  I better fucking Tweet that shit.  My life is so empty and devoid of meaning that seeing a school bus is an event I write a song about.

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

Another take on this song.  To be serious for a moment (and only a moment) I think this song perfectly sums up the mentality of the Future of America, aka the Dumbest Generation, aka the Medicated Generation, aka the Everybody Gets An Award Generation, aka Generation Y.  Singing about cereal and which seat to take and partyin’.  News fucking flash.  “Party” is not a verb. An entire generation of slow witted, short attention spanned, shallow thinking idiots thinks this song is great.  And they should.  The insipid shallowness of this song sums them up perfectly.

This is one of the worst things I’ve ever laid eyes on.  I watched this video a second time to write this post and I nearly tossed my cookies.  The video is shallow and glittery (like the Medicated Generation themselves) and the girls (which are literally girls in this case) are ugly.

Wow.  I wonder why women feel such pressure to make themselves sexually appealing.  This video is child exploitation at it’s best. It takes 13 year old girls and attempts to sexualize them.  Let me fucking tell ya, I’m a pervert like a mother-fucker and when I think something is sexually exploitive you know that’s some sick shit.

And let’s talk about the video specifically for a moment.

Oh… CGI animation.  Oh look, they speed up the playback.  Oh wow, green screen technology.

This “party” she is at.  I know I sound like a broken record on this.  Why are 13 year old girls out on Friday night dressed like whores and wearing makeup? How many of them are gonna be pregnant before they graduate high school.  Where are their parents?  Yes I know this is only a video.  It’s not real, it’s not a documentary.  But the members of the Dumbest Generation who are watching this don’t know that.  They see things on YouTube and think that’s how things are suppose to be.

Then the token black guy shows up.  I don’t know who this is.  I assume he’s some rapper as you have to have a rapper in your YouTube video in order for it to be “legit”.  I don’t know if he was paid to appear in this – but I can’t figure any other reason any human would degrade themselves in this way.  It must have been lots of money.

By the way, do you see any other black people in this video?  I didn’t.  This “party” looks more like a KKK rally.

Rebecca Black stinks of failure. If there is any thing about the cosmos that is good and just and right she will never make another video, go to college, major in journalism and become a manager at McDonalds.

It fucking chaps my tight white ass that shit like this gets attention when young women like Smoosh who actually have talent are out there creating music that kicks ass.

Edit & Follow Up:

Looks like I’m not the only one who doesn’t get it.

Burnt Bacon: Rebecca Black

 

This edition of Burnt Bacon is a bit different from how the others will be. Burnt Bacon is suppose to be about women who could be awesome, but screw up instead. Also Burnt Bacon is suppose to involve some level of pleasure for me. Neither of those are true in this case.

 

Let me warn you that this will be the most painful thing you have seen in years. For some of you this may well be the most painful thing you’ve ever seen in your life.

 

Ready?

 

You really aren’t. Make sure you have a trash can to puke in close by.

 

Okay. Steady yourself and watch this video.

 

Insert video here

 

Finished dry heaving yet? As of today this has 87,827,230 views on YouTube. You can buy this song in iTunes.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD2LRROpph0

 

Remember when I trashed Avril Lavigne for writing songs like she’s still 15 years old? This puts that into perspective. Avirl is Joan Baez compared to Rebecca Black.

 

http://www.joanbaez.com/

 

Let’s break this down.

 

(Yeah, Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ark)
Oo-ooh-ooh, hoo yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

7am, waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein’ everything, the time is goin’
Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)

Gotta be fresh? What? When I say that a woman is “fresh” that means she is young, hot and I want to fuck her. In no way at all is Rebecca fresh. Okay, she’s young. I give her that one. Hot and fuckable? There ain’t that much booze in the world. She’s gotta have cereal? She’s singing about cereal? Then she’s gotta get to the bus stop. She sees her friends? Is this a song or a Twitter feed?

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

 

Am I the only one who thinks this is a sex reference? “Which seat can I take?” Yea… You can take either seat as long as it’s not near me.

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

Rebecca is 13 years old. It’s Friday night and she’s going partying? What the fuck is wrong with her parents. Should 13 year old girls be going to to parties looking for cock? I’m not some fucking prude who doesn’t want girls to have sex. I want all girls to have sex. Preferably with me. But really? A fucking 13 year old singing about going out on Friday to cruise for dick? Fuck me running Rachael.

7:45, we’re drivin’ on the highway
Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right
I got this, you got this
Now you know it

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

Hmmmm. Should I get fucked in the cunt or the ass? Front seat or back seat. I can’t decide. “I got this, you got this. Now you know it.” What the fuck is she talking about? Even my perverted mind can’t make sense of this. Is she talking about a venereal disease? Oh and they are cruising so fast. Really? First, why isn’t your hair moving in the wind. Second, why are 13 year old girls hanging out with guys old enough to drive?

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday

Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

But wait, here comes the most awesome part of the whole song. Thanks to six years of public education Rebecca has learned . . . the days of the week.

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’)
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball today

 

“We so excited.” We so excited? Are you fucking me? What language is this?

Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after…wards
I don’t want this weekend to end

So chillin’ in the front seat (In the front seat)
In the back seat (In the back seat)
I’m drivin’, cruisin’ (Yeah, yeah)
Fast lanes, switchin’ lanes
Wit’ a car up on my side (Woo!)
(C’mon) Passin’ by is a school bus in front of me
Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream
Check my time, it’s Friday, it’s a weekend
We gonna have fun, c’mon, c’mon, y’all

 

Oh look. A car. A school bus. I better fucking Tweet that shit. My life is so empty and devoid of meaning that seeing a school bus is an event I write a song about.

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

 

Another take on this song. To be serious for a moment (and only a moment) I think this song perfectly sums up the mentality of the Future of America, aka the Dumbest Generation, aka the Medicated Generation, aka the Everybody Gets An Award Generation, aka Generation Y. Singing about cereal and which seat to take and partyin’. News fucking flash. “Party” is not a verb. An entire generation of slow witted, short attention spanned, shallow thinking idiots thinks this song is great. And they should. The insipid shallowness of this song sums them up perfectly.

 

This is one of the worst things I’ve ever laid eyes on. I watched this video a second time to write this post and I nearly tossed my cookies. The video is shallow and glittery (like the Medicated Generation themselves) and the girls (which are literally girls in this case) are ugly.

 

Wow. I wonder why women feel such pressure to make themselves sexually appealing. This video is child exploitation at it’s best. It takes 13 year old girls and attempts to sexualize them. Let me fucking tell ya, I’m a pervert like a mother-fucker and when I think something is sexually exploitive you know that’s some sick shit.

 

And let’s talk about the video specifically for a moment.

 

Oh… CGI animation. Oh look, they speed up the playback. Oh wow, green screen technology.

 

This “party” she is at. I know I sound like a broken record on this. Why are 13 year old girls out on Friday night dressed like whores and wearing makeup? How many of them are gonna be pregnant before they graduate high school. Where are their parents? Yes I know this is only a video. It’s not real, it’s not a documentary. But the members of the Dumbest Generation who are watching this don’t know that. They see things on YouTube and think that’s how things are suppose to be.

 

Then the token black guy shows up. I don’t know who this is. I assume he’s some rapper as you have to have a rapper in your YouTube video in order for it to be “legit”. I don’t know if he was paid to appear in this – but I can’t figure any other reason any human would degrade themselves in this way. It must have been lots of money.

 

By the way, do you see any other black people in this video? I didn’t. This “party” looks more like a KKK rally.

 

Rebecca Black stinks of failure. If there is any thing about the cosmos that is good and just and right she will never make another video, go to college, major in journalism and become a manager at McDonalds.

 

 

 

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