Burnt Bacon: Women With Dogs

Yup. Burnt Bacon is being served up late. Why? ‘Cause I left it in the pan way to fucking long.  That’s part of why it’s burnt.  It’s been a busy week for Skippy.  And it’s not gonna slow down any time soon.  Thus let me get right to the point.

This week I’ve talked to two super-hot chycks both of whom were fully qualified to ride my cock.  They had the looks, the bodies, the personalities and the intelligence.  So why aren’t they on my cock you ask?  Good question.  Here is why.

Dogs.

Yup. They have dogs.  I’m gonna piss in some coffee with this post but it’s not like I care.  I’m just calling it like it is.  Women with dogs are insane.  Yes, you read that right.  I’ll say it again.

This is like shooting fish in a barrel.

This is like shooting fish in a barrel.

Women with dogs are insane.

Women with dogs are Burnt Bacon.

You think I’m full of shit don’t you?  That’s cool.  Most people think I’m full of shit.  I’ll give you my supporting evidence.

Dogs are like children in that they are dependent upon their owners.  Unlike children dogs will never grow up, leave home and one day support you in your old age.  Okay, in theory children will do those things.  We all know that in reality it doesn’t always happen that way.  Dogs are forever dependent upon their owners.  This is why some women like dogs.  The dog is emotionally dependent upon them and that is what they seek.  Codependency.  Seeking codependency is not a sign that a woman is emotionally healthy.

More dogs = more "issues".

More dogs = more "issues".

Here is a brief history of dog genetics.  Dogs are retarded wolves. Seriously.  I’m not trying to insult retarded people or wolves.  Dogs are wolfs that were inbreed over the years to make them dependent upon humans so they would be excellent companion animals.  Some dogs are so inbreed that they need human assistance to have sex.  I’m not making this up.  Dogs have a number of genetic disorders (not all dogs, some breeds) which come from inbreeding.  This is why mutts are the smartest and healthiest of dogs.  It’s not the dog’s fault.  I blame stupid humans who are so insecure that they need to inbreed animals to create creatures that will be emotionally dependent upon humans.

Dogs have been breed to be slaves. It’s that simple.  And it’s sick and wrong.

Some women refer to their dogs as their children and themselves as the dog’s mommy.  Sick and wrong.  I’m from the South and down that way (and actually even here in Colorado) some men call their wives or girlfriends “Mama”.  Guys, fucking your mama is wrong.  Except in Arkansas.

What is an Arkansas virgin?

An eight-year-old girl who can run faster than her brother.

Hot but psycho.

Hot but psycho.

Anyhow, being a dogs mommy is sick and wrong.  I’m using the phrase “sick and wrong” an awful lot in this post.  Stop.  Calling your dogs your children just advertises how desperate you are for children. It advertises how needy you are emotionally.  Being desperate and needy is not attractive to men who are emotionally stable. Now I’ll grant you there aren’t many emotionally stable men –  therefore do you really want to automatically drive away the few stable men you might run across.

Dogs are substitute boyfriends. One of the chycks I was talking to told me “My dog is my best friend.”  That is scary.  Don’t get out much do you?  Social skills lacking?  Now don’t misunderstand – I’ve loved all my pets.  Generally speaking I like animals more than I like most people.  But then I hardly count as emotionally and mentally stable myself.

Can't find a boyfriend? Get a dog.

Can't find a boyfriend? Get a dog.

Dogs provide emotional support, the illusion or a relationship and you can kick them around and they come back for more.  Have you ever done that?  Kick a dog and what does it do?  It comes back to you wanting love and attention with it’s tail down.  The dogs noble ancestor the wolf would rip your throat out, eat all the good parts and then piss on your carcass.  Why can you treat a dog like shit and it sill loves you?  Inbreeding.

When asked why I don’t have a dog my response is “If I wanted something that laid around the house all day eating, shitting, drooling and getting in my way I’d get a boyfriend.”

Dogs eat shit. Then women let the dog lick their face and mouth.  Then women want to know why I will not kiss them.  Ya know what I love?  When women say “My dog’s mouth is cleaner than a human’s mouth.”  No.  It isn’t.  I just watched your dog eat shit.  Unless your dog’s mouth functions like an autoclave your dogs mouth is not “cleaner” than mine.

On the subject of shit here is something you need to know.

That dog just ate another animals shit. Now she is going to kiss it.

That dog just ate another animals shit. Now she is going to kiss it.

Nobody, man or woman, looks sexy bending over to pick up dog shit. Dogs are the perfect boyfriend substitute because they are the stupidest animals alive.  Don’t believe me?  Dogs are the only animals that can not shit without a human supervising them. I’ve known and had sex with multiple dog owners and it’s the same thing all the time.  They have to take the dog outside to shit.  Then they stand there and watch the dog shit.

What kind of person watches an animal shit? And you think I’m sick?

After the dog shits the owner has to tell it “Good dog.  You took a shit.  Good girl.  Oh look at you.”  The dog needs positive emotional feedback to shit. Really?  Every other species on Earth can shit without human assistance.  Not dogs.

Then you have to pick the shit up.  If the rest of us are lucky.

Some of you with dogs just leave the shit there so the rest of the world can experience it. How lazy and inconsiderate are you.  Do you really think you deserve a man?  Do you think an inconsiderate bitch like yourself deserves a relationship and support and good sex with another human?  I don’t.

Then there are those of you out on the trails where I run.  You put the dog shit in bags and they leave the bag by the trail.  ‘Cause that plastic bag is going to decompose.  Someone once told me that people who do this are going to pick the bag up on their way back down the trail.  I’ll grant that some of you may do this but when I see the same bag on the trail every weekend I’m pretty sure you aren’t coming back for it.

And no matter how hot you are once I find out you have a dog – or dogs – I’m not coming back for you.

Twins?

Twins?

Triplets?

Triplets?

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