Burnt Bacon: The Shook Twins

You may be confused by the title if you are up on your Unicorn Butter Women.  Just keep reading.

Did you know that on facebook under messages is a subcategory called “other”?  I didn’t.  But then I don’t spend as much time on facebook playing farmville as you do.  Nor do I kill small children who interrupt my farmville habits.
Not that small children shouldn’t be killed mind you – just that the killing shouldn’t be motivated by farmville.  It makes more sense to kill people who play farmville.  Preferably before they are able to reproduce.

Anyhow, one day I discovered this additional layer to the email folder on facebook and opened it up to reveal . . . a bunch of crap from pages that I have “liked” informing me about events long past and wanting me to buy things.  It’s pretty much like the spam folder in gmail.  Only less entertaining.

I’m going thru this “other” folder deleting junk when I run across an email from the Shook Twins.  You may recall the Shook Twins as they are a previous serving of Unicorn Butter.  I read it and then deleted it because I’m stupid and my brain was in the deleting mood.  If I had any sense at all (and you can find multitudes of people who will attest that I have no sense) I would have kept it and published it here on Unicorn Butter Women.

You see my friends, the Shook Twins were not amused.

Please pause with me for a moment while I attempt to pretend I give a fuck.

What is that wet stuff? Do you think it's safe to touch?

What is that wet stuff? Do you think it's safe to touch?

That’s enough.  Their “issues” – I love it when women have “issues”.  Do you have a magazine subscription to emotional problems?  What the fuck is this “issue” thing you chycks are so hung up on? But I digress.  Their issues are thus:

  1. When they “log on to” their website my post at Unicorn Butter comes up.
  2. The content of the post is “inappropriate”.
  3. They don’t like people thinking about having sex with them.
  4. They don’t want me to encourage other people to read this post.

One of the requirements for being a Unicorn Butter Woman, maybe the most important requirement, is intelligence.  And I know two little girls who just failed the intelligence test.  Therefore, by the power vested in Me by Me I declare the following:

Shook Twins: Unicorn Butter Status Revoked

I will now respond to these issues.

1. I’m still not sure what the fuck that means. “Why does your post come up when we log on to our site.” is what they wrote.  I think they are too stupid to know the difference between their website, ShookTwins.com and their facebook page.  Shouldn’t song writers have better communication skills than this? Certainly there is no way in hell my post can come up on their site unless they put it there.  If the dumb bitches are in fact referring to their facebook page they are asking the wrong person.  They should as someone at facebook.  I didn’t post my content on their page.  How the fuck should I know why it’s there?  If it is there, regardless of who put it there, delete the update. How stupid are you?  Fuck, there are two of you.  You are twins.  Between the two of you shouldn’t you be able to muster up the equivalent computer skills of an eight-year-old?

Standing room only.

Standing room only.

On the subject of computer skills.  Let’s critique their website.  It has a splash page.  I’m pretty sure the 80’s are over.  I typed in the URL for your site.  Why should I have to click on a picture to “enter” your site? Splash pages are a sure sign of stupidity.  Yes, your webmaster told you it’s a great idea.  Your webmaster is an idiot.

Second, the link from their webpage to their twitter account is broken. It points to http://www.shooktwins.com/home/www.twitter.com/shooktwins which is not (as most of you can tell) a valid URL.  When you have a website you should check to see if your links work.  Stuff like this makes you look stupid.  Not that the Shook Bimbos aren’t doing a good job of looking stupid on their own.

2. As to my post being “inappropriate”.  I’ve noticed that when people think something is inappropriate what that usually means is they don’t like it.  Well honeys, guess what?  There are a metric shit-ton of things in the world that I think are “inappropriate” and I have to get over it. So do you bitches.

Right now The Messiah, who ran for president on a platform of “Hope” and “Change” and “anti-war” is killing people in Libya with flying robots.    That’s pretty fucking inappropriate but I got over it.  The Shook Bitches might wanna start learning the “get over it” skill.  You are going to need it.

3. They don’t like people thinking about having sex with them. I have to wonder what world these girls live in.  Maybe they come from a very religious background where everyone suppresses their sexuality when they are around other adults and only expresses their sexuality when ass-fucking little boys.  I don’t even know how to respond to this.

Maybe this is a teaching moment?  So here is today’s lesson.  If you are a girl and you are even reasonably physically attractive 90% of men and 40% of women who see you are going to think about having sex with you.  If that is something you can’t handle you should consider killing yourself.  When I saw the Shook Twins perform my friend and I sat in the audience and talked about having sex with them.  I’m pretty fucking sure we were not the only ones who stumbled upon that conversation topic.

Right this moment – all over the world – thousands and thousands of people are thinking about having sex with me and I’m totally okay with this.

4. They don’t want me to encourage other people to read this post (this post being that post – who’s on first?).  I can tell these bimbos are big fans of free speech.  I don’t want you to read that post either.  I want you to read this one.

5. Of all the Unicorn Butter Women so far four have contacted me.  Three of them “got it”. No, I don’t mean my cock.  For one brief moment (brief, get it? eh? get it? – just kill me now) let’s not talk about my cock.  They didn’t get my cock.  They got the whole effect and point of the blog.  Yes, they saw the “inappropriate” level of what I’m doing here, but they also got the humour, the social commentary, the sarcasm and the snark. They got these things because they are intelligent and have brains that can function at multiple levels.  Sure it’s fun to make jokes about women and the fact they only have two compartments in their brain, but that’s just a joke.  Real women don’t have curves (contrary to what fat girls want you to think).  Real women have brains.  Without intelligence there is no personality, no sense of humour and no reason for anyone you aren’t having sex with to spend time with you are care about you.

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Not only does the lack of “getting it” tell me the Shook Twins are stupid so does the entire tone of their response.  I have to wonder if they were home schooled.  Home schooled people are smarter in many cases, but have no social skills.  Most of us know that if someone is treating you in a way you don’t like there are two effective ways to deal with this.  You either ignore them and eventually they are likely to stop or you confront them with an equal or greater force of your own in opposition.

The Shook Twins instead decided that sending me a whinny bitchy email – via facebook (I take almost nothing on facebook seriously) no less – was going to be effective. Yes.  Very effective.  Effective enough for me to write another post about them which will make this website more likely to show up in a google search and make it more likely that more people will read the material they don’t want anyone to read.  I know two little girls who are lacking.

So let this be a lesson to all stupid bitches and bitchettes out there.  Bitchette is the masculine form of bitch for those of you not in the know.  Know when to shut the fuck up and let things go.  Don’t make a bad situation worse.  And next time y’all Shooks wanna send me an email limit the topic to kitchen appliances.

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