Yesterday was the third annual Hair Raisers event here in Fort Collins. A slew of local hair salons came together at Rocky Mountain High School to cut hair for donation to Locks of Love. Over 20,000 inches of hair was collected and a good time was had by all.
This has nothing to do with today’s Unicorn Butter Woman post.
Further more I’ve go no interesting segue from here to there.
I can probably stop there. Any long time reader of Unicorn Butter Women already knows what a pervert I am and therefore already knows where this is going. What do you do with twins? Threesum of course. But twins are good for other things as well. Seriously. As proof positive I say to you
The Shook Twins are Unicorn Butter Women
I have only seen the Shook Twins live once. That’s because they decided to move to Portland Oregon instead of Fort Collins. I can’t figure out why. After all I’m not in Portland.
Yea, maybe Portland has a better music scene. They could have picked Austin. But I’m just bitching because they haven’t come back to the FoCo area (that I’m aware of) in years. Fucking slackers.
This is a good point to mention that “The Twins” have names. They are Laurie and Katelyn.
Or Katelyn and Laurie.
Or hot twin chycks.
Back to the story. The Twins passed thru FoCo some years ago and played at Avo’s. A friend and I went to see them. I’ll grant you that I had low expectations. I’m not a fan of “folk” music for the most part. Too much of it is hippy crap and word vomit with obnoxious banjo added in. The main reason I was willing to check ‘em out was because I stalked them on their website and (this will shock and surprise you) they are hot.
Yup. Skippy went to see two girls play music live because they are hot. It’s a whole new world view isn’t it? And did I mention they are twins?
We arrived early for good seats. If you are gonna be attending a concert based only on the appearance of the performers it’s best to get a seat up front you you can drool on them at close range. We got a pitcher of beer, 1554 if I recall correctly and settled in. At some point we noticed people with musical instruments buzzing around. Oddly enough two of them were hotties who looked amazing alike. I started some conversation with some witty comment.
I think it was along the lines of “Are you two twins?”
They don’t call me Captain Obvious for nothing ya know.
While the ladies did seem a bit road weary they still managed to engage us in some banter. So far they are hot and they have some personality. But can they sing?
The moment of truth came at last when they took the stage. Late of course as musicians can not tell time. Have you ever – I mean ever – been to a concert that starts on time? Fuck no. Because musicians can’t tell time. I waited 2 hours for Eric Clapton and once I waited 4 hours for B.B. King to start a gig.
In theory you should be able to figure out what I though of their music and singing. After all if it sucked ass they would be in the Burnt Bacon section not the Unicorn Butter section. Still some of you might be a bit slow.
The Shook Twins perform Broken Wing.
These gals (and their band of course) rocked the house. This wasn’t the typical hippy dope smoking folk music that is far too prevalent around FoCo. The music was excellent. The cello is always a nice touch. Everyone say thank you to ELO for making the cello cool. The lyrics held a touch of hippy tainted with the misadventures of youth, the trials of making a living as an artist, and a healthy sense of humour. Politics and love, the subjects of most hippy folk music, were evident yet utilized much more effectively than traditional dope smoking hippy bands would utilize them.
The typical lyrics in dope smoking hippy music revolve around “Bush is Hitler” and “You cock/cunt is the only one on the planet and if you stop having sex with me life will end.” The ladies managed to avoid both approaches.
The Shook Twins perform Wildfire.
In the end I sprang for a CD and I think it lived in the CD player in my office for about 2 months. The Shook Twins are one of the artist on my iPod that never get replaced. They have recently released a new CD, Window, on April 29th. I have not heard the album and hopefully it doesn’t suck. Their previous studio album cut in 2008, the one I have, is You Can Have The Rest. Every song on this disk is a winner. If you are looking to drop some money on some new music this is a good place to spend $10 plus shipping.
The Shook Twins latest song & video – Window.
Now let’s get down to business. Twins. Fuck yes. Think of all the possibilities. I can be having sex with Katelyn while Laurie is making breakfast. Then Laurie can serve me breakfast in bed while Katelyn washes the dishes. Then we can eat breakfast.
And you thought I was gonna go right for the threesum didn’t you? Nope. I have some class let me tell you what. Ask any woman I’ve paid to have sex with me. I’m a classy guy. I always serve PBR chilled.
I think it would be fun as well to try guessing if the Twin I am drilling at any moment is Katelyn or Laurie. I like guessing games when it comes to sex. Unless they involve venereal diseases. Not really interested in that game.
And yes – Twin Threesums. Do I even need to elaborate on the mind numbing (as if my mind has anything to do with this – and as if my mind were not already numb) sensory overload that would flow from having these two adorable chycks playing a session of What Happens If I Put My Tongue Here with me? No. I spare you the details. Just use your imagination.
That’s what I’m doing. In fact I need a bit of private time right now.
One last video to enjoy. Silent by The Shook Twins.