Burnt Bacon: Chycks Who Litter

Not the kind of butt I want to look at.

Not the kind of butt I want to look at.

Some months ago I was walking in down town Fort Collins behind a hot chyck.  I vaguely knew this girl as she works at a place that I drop by now and then.  She has hippie tendencies but does shave so I can deal with the hippie aspects.  I was admiring the swing she has in her back yard when I allowed my attention to deviate from that important attribute long enough to notice she was smoking a cigarette.

Now I’m sure many of you would love me to go off on some tangent about how evil smoking is.  You’ve come to the wrong blog.  You will not find that here.  I couldn’t care less if she smokes and I lack the ability to be judgemental, intolerant and hateful like the anti-tobacco idiots.

Sure, I give people who chain-smoke shit about it.  Beyond that I couldn’t care less.

Then the hippie chyck ruined it.

She tossed her cigarette butt on the ground as she walked into a store.

Ya know bitch, there is a combo trash can and ash tray 20 feet down the sidewalk.  It was put there with my tax money by public employees paid with my tax money so people could put trash and cigarette butts there instead of on the pavement.

Bitch.  Put your cigarette butt in the fucking trash not on the fucking sidewalk.  You are Burnt Bacon bitch!

It’s even more annoying to me when I see the typical left-wing, dope smoking hippie, global warming wacko, tree-hugger, rasta-wanna-be, Obama dick sucking, organic vegan, politically correct, five recycling bins at home, biodegradable, stupid bitch throwing her cigarette butt on the ground.

Cute girls with guns.

Cute girls with guns.

If you care about the environment so much (we both know you really don’t) then don’t throw your butts on the ground.

But it’s not just the left-wing freaks that need to be pissed on for this.  It’s all of you dumb whores who toss your trash of any kind on the ground.  And to clarify a point, I don’t exclude sausage jockeys from the need for a good ass kicking when they litter but this isn’t a blog about boys.  It’s a blog about girls.  Now let’s get back to girls.

As with most things the solution to this involves cute girls.  Specifically cute girls with guns who patrol down town and are authorized to shoot anyone who litters.

And what other things constitute litter?  Good question.

I’ve said it before.  “No one looks attractive bending over to pick up dog shit.”  But that doesn’t mean you should pick up your dog’s shit.  That’s another form of littering.  Don’t give me any shit (pun intended) about how dog shit is biodegradable.  It’s disgusted when you leave it right there on the sidewalk in down town Fort Collins.

A typical night in Old Town Fort Collins.

A typical night in Old Town Fort Collins.

You know what else you leave on the pavement that’s biodegradable but disgusting?  Vomit.

Could you not make it to a trash can?  A toilet?  A sink?  The back seat of your car?  The back seat of your friends car?  Why the hell don’t carry a barf bag with you.

Walk around in Old Town Fort Collins any given Saturday or Sunday morning and you’ll find plenty of puddles to step over and around.  Just because you went out to “have fun” last night doesn’t mean I should have to play hopscotch.

At least this one located a trash can.

At least this one located a trash can.

You can buy containers that fit in your pocket for putting ashes and butts into.  You can bag bags and gloves designed for picking up dog shit.  Next time you are going out dressed like a skank intending to drink until you barf take a damn barf bag with you.  It’s called planning ahead.  Your lack of ability to do this is one of the reason for the “glass ceiling” you can’t stop bitching about.

Spend less time talking about the environment and more time locating the nearest trash can and maybe you can pull yourself out of the frying pan before you’re burned to a crisp.

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